had I been different

A night with feast, I spent my evening with a person I dearly care about which I hope to spend my future with. With a room filled with children’s laughter, adults gossips, political talks, stock markets, I was left stranded with the feeling of fake smiles and unwanted. A new member to the family was welcomed with million dollar smiles, perhaps she looks rather introvert and speaking about her background was definitely something to look forward to. Again, a person who I hope I will spend my future with utmost respect and love, if God permits, did not bother speaking more than a sentence to me.

Was I that bad-material?
Was it my hair?
Was it my top?
Was it my shorts?
Was it my age?

What was wrong?

I never felt so unwelcomed ever in my life. I’ve always received wide smiles and sincere interests when it comes to friend’s family. But tonight, this very moment, tears formed and I wished tonight never happened. I tried to adapt perhaps I am too young or stupid or shallow to have a conversation with me.

Family plays an important role in my life. Plus, I want to feel belong and acknowledged by his side of family. Should I spend my future with him, would his family be pleased of me?